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Poppyseeds and Pumpkins

November 20, 2012
Editor’s Note: I wrote this post the day after we found out we’re expecting our first baby (!!!). I immediately wanted to share the news with EVERYONE, but our culture has us programmed to restrict information until we’re ABSOLUTELY SURE. One thing life has taught me is that nothing is ABSOLUTELY SURE, but when we saw our little one’s heart thump-thumping on the ultrasound yesterday, neither one of us could keep our big mouths shut. SO, yeah. There’s a bun in the Cupcake oven, here’s hoping to a delicious result! 🙂
Read 'em and weep. I did.

Read ’em and weep. I did. And yes, there’s a reason there are 4.

October 25, 2012
We’re not ready to share the news yet, partly because it’s the prudent thing to do, partly because I still don’t quite believe there’s a baby in there, but mainly because we want some time to adjust to this new way of thinking. “I” becomes “we” in a different way than marriage. “We” becomes “Our family.” “Our puppies” become “future siblings.” Etc. (Yes, I did say to Daisy “You better say “hi” to the little poppyseed in there! SAY HI.” I imagine this works better with humans.)

I’m so distracted by today that I can’t even focus on what’s in front of me: a mountain of work and stress related to our never-ending job search (hopefully by the time this goes public my husband has found something suitable for a going-to-be-daddy). Instead of worrying, all I can do is feel excited!

It’s totally surreal, like it’s happening to someone else. And I’m definitely having flashes of “OH CRAP WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING,” e.g. when I look at the list of things I must avoid (Wine. Brie. Wine. Camembert. Sushi. The will to live.), and interestingly when I look at baby booties. Normally, I see a pair of baby booties and think “Ermahgerd, these are SO CUTE! I can’t WAIT to have babies!” Now, I think “Ermahgerd, these are SO CUTE! OHHOLYCRAP WHAT?! I HAVE A REASON TO BUY THEM?!? RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I think these feelings of extreme euphoria combined with a sense of being chained to a rock are probably normal…but just in case, I reserve the right to edit this section before you get to see it. 🙂

On another note, I think the following story is pretty funny, and sortof exactly how I always pictured it would be, while at the same time not being anything like I had daydreamed:

The day we found out about The Poppyseed (hopefully by the time I’m releasing this we will have progressed from Poppyseed to like, I dunno, apple, or grapefruit, or something EDITOR’S NOTE: 1.22 centimeters long, so basically a grain of rice, as of 11/20 :)), started out like any other day. Called by a general obsession of mine to test periodically for pregnancy (yes, I’m neurotic. Deal with it), I visited the Dollar Tree where I had heard rumors of $1 pregnancy tests.

For the uninitiated, pregnancy tests run anywhere from $4 per to like $18 per, so finding $1 tests seemed too good to be true. I bought seven. And took them home, and promptly decided to try one, just to “get the technique down.” Basically, I just wanted to see how the test worked, so that the next time I was curious, I wouldn’t have to read the instructions. (I’m an obsessive instructions-reader. I am the one person in the world who will actually read every line they include in a pill packet, prescription, or box. Seriously. Including the Customer Hotline number. That’s me.)

So, I popped the sucker open, [procedure removed for general gross-out-ability, suffice it to say both the words “pee” and “receptacle” were involved] and set it on the counter top while I went and helped Matt get our pumpkins ready for carving. (It is Halloween, after all, or it will be soon…)

A few minutes later, I go back to check on the test. Nothing. But I think I see maybe a shadow of a line on the “you’re preggers” portion of the test. Hm. I leave it for a few more minutes. Then I come back again, and this time I’m certain: there is a TINY, MICROSCOPIC, NOT VISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE impression of the slightest bit of pink on the line. “MATT. Does this look like a line to you? It’s basically invisible.”

Matt looks at it. I look again. We concur that there is an impression of the shadow of an inkling of a line. But probably the test is just defective. It only costs $1 after all. Surely it’s defective.

So Matt goes back to his pumpkin, watching The Walking Dead. I, however, have a horrible tendency to want to confirm results. But this time, I brought out the Big Guns: the Digital ClearBlue test. It literally says “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant.” Should be impossible to screw up. So I open it, take the cap off, and realize that I. Can’t. Pee. Not even a drop, which wouldn’t have been enough anyway. I sigh, put the cap back on, set the test in the wrapper, and leave it for later.

About an hour later, we sat, side by side, scooping out pumpkin guts, chasing Daisy away from the pile of seeds. The urge, as nature intended, came upon me, so we were up for round 2 of the Dollar Tree test, and 1 of the ClearBlue. I do both tests, and was just getting ready to set them down to wait, when I noticed the ClearBlue test window no longer had a timer – there were words. Or rather, one word. “Pregnant.” I looked at it again, aghast – surely this was a mistake! I had taken another test on Sunday, and it said what all of them have said since the dawn of Lisa’s taking pregnancy tests: “Not Pregnant.” I looked again. Nope, still a decided lack of the word “Not” and extreme presence of the word “Pregnant.”

I stood, dumbfounded, for a minute, before racing to the door to the living room. Ah, there was Matt, totally engrossed in his pumpkin carving…I walked slowly up to him, he didn’t even notice, then BAM! I slapped him in the face with the test, demanding “and WHAT is the meaning of THIS!?” Not really, but I did shove it right under his nose.

We both sortof stared at each other for a while, totally confused and shocked, not yet ready enough to accept the results to realize what a fantastic night it had just become. I freaked. A lot. Mainly because I read on the instructions (because I’m an obsessive instructions reader) that you are supposed to use the test immediately. And I hadn’t. Which then sent me spiraling into a whirlwind of doubt – what if I had just earned myself TWO false positives? Now I was even more confused than before!

This snowballed into a cyclone of doubt which lead me to google “False positive clearblue” which then convinced me that the whole thing was a sham and a fluke. First lesson learned: when dealing with pregnancy, DO NOT GOOGLE.

To be sure, I pulled out a second ClearBlue test, only I didn’t wait long enough, and had a LOW. READ. ERROR. (I.e. not enough pee on the stick). AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, of course, I forced Matt to drive me to Walmart (are you kidding? I was barely coherent enough to drive the CART when we GOT THERE), at which time we purchase THREE additional brands of test.

We got home, and I waited. Like a tiger. Ready to pounce at the first inclination that maybe possibly I needed to pee. And then it happened.

I had already read all of the instructions cover to cover, so I knew exactly what I was doing. I collected The Sample (grossssssss), and did THREE (count them – THREE) pregnancy tests. Within minutes we had a plus sign (WalMart Brand)…a double line (First Response)…and a tiny, faint whisper of a second line on the fourth (ahem) Dollar Tree test.

I walked to the kitchen. I set them on the counter. I called to Matt, he came in, and it hit me. This is real. I cried. We held each other. I cried some more.

The rest of the night was a blur. We went back to carving pumpkins, finishing some righteous designs (if I do say so myself!) and silly things happened on The Walking Dead. I downloaded the What to Expect app to my iPhone, mainly because there’s a “baby tracker” that shows you your baby’s progress.

I actually messed it up when I first logged into the app, because it asks for your due date (since we just found out, I had to google out how to calculate this) and I accidentally put in July 4 2012 instead of July 4 2013, so when I went to the baby tracker it said “You are at 55 weeks. Your baby is the size of a pumpkin, 8 to 9 pounds.” I was shocked that there was a pumpkin in there, because the only baby showing at the time was a food baby from taco soup night…and then I realized my mistake.

Correct due date in play (such a patriotic baby we have!), our baby is officially the size of a poppyseed, thus the title of this post. It’s going to be a bumpy 9 (er…10?) months, and I am just so excited to play along.

Emotions: mixed, excited, scared, nervous, bubbly, effervescent, SO EXCITED, nervous, scared. Repeat.

Symptoms: none, really, save the obvious missing Aunt Irma and some bodacious improvements in the northern regions. (Dudes, I apologize…there’s just not much more I can say)

One Comment leave one →
  1. November 21, 2012 7:56 am

    First of all… you are such an amazing storyteller! I was on the edge of my seat, laughing during this story. I think you should have been a script writer or something.

    Anyway, second of all, I’m just so excited for you guys and am happy that you are documenting this so well. I remember this stage with Bella and it is such a magical special scary nervewracking time, that will never be the same again. Even with my second, I have a lot of the same feelings, but there’s something with the 1st one that makes it so special. That being said, it’s great you are writing it all down so you can reread it 20 years from now, (or like me, maybe 2 weeks from now 🙂 ) and remember how you felt when you are sleep-deprived and grumpy and not feeling so, ahem, positive about all things baby.

    So I hope you feel better soon – how many weeks are you now? hopefully you’ll lose the morning sickness in the 2nd trimester… although since you are anything but ‘typical’ that might not be the case for you. Take care and keep us posted!!!


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