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There’s a zombie in my kitchen.

August 28, 2012

I really shouldn’t be left to my own devices.

Occasionally, one of the birds must, as required by a job, leave the love nest. Matt’s been working an odd schedule, so more often than not, I leave before him, and get back before he returns.

This is a problem, because despite the fact that I am a delayed adolescent grown woman, I am inordinately scared of…things. Hiding in my house.

Chalk it up to watching one too many CSI episodes, or too many zombie movies, but I am absolutely TERRIFIED that boogeymen are hiding behind every door.

Part of my anti-boogeyman strategy, to save myself from the ravishings of whatever poltergeist or murderer-rapist followed me home/lies in a shallow grave underneath my apartment complex and is coming to haunt me for having too yappy of a dog, is to be on constant Red Alert, fight-or-flight mode anytime I am alone in the house. Or when it’s dark outside. Or when Matt is in the room and has just told me a horror story because he likes to see me jump. I hate my husband I love my husband.

Anyways – I was on Red Alert, per usual, yesterday afternoon when, sitting on the couch watching NYPD Blue, I looked into the kitchen, at the NORMALLY EMPTY cakestand in my kitchen window and saw THIS:



What, you don’t see it? OK. I know to a “normal” person this looks like a kitchen window with a (left-open) sack of tortilla chips…but on Red Alert, from the corner of my eye, I see THIS:


BAM! Zombie of death! Immediate adrenaline burst, quick “WHAT THE HOCKEY-STICKS?!?” head turn, to catch the zombie in the act, stomach-dropping realization that it’s just a bag of tortilla chips.

Worst part of the story? BAM! The zombie got me again as i was sipping coffee on the couch this morning.


Update: I just remembered that when I started this blog I made the foolhardy promise to include something useful in every post. Silly of me, really, but a promise is a promise. To help you prepare for the occasion in which there is a zombie in your kitchen, here is a link to the CDC Zombie Preparedness Page. (Seriously. The CDC. Wrote about the Zombie Apocalypse. AWESOME SAUCE!!!)

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Bendiksen, Melissa S permalink
    August 28, 2012 10:20 am

    Lisa…you are such a great writer….i love hearing from you.
    Your old school nurse,

    • August 28, 2012 12:51 pm

      Aw, thank you!!! I love that you still follow – thank you so much for reading. 🙂

  2. Jean permalink
    August 28, 2012 11:12 am

    BWA HA HA! Oh Lisa …I love you. You are made of awesome. It’s so nice to know that someone else is as dysfunctional as I am. *hugs*

    • August 28, 2012 12:51 pm

      YES! You heard it here, folks – MADE OF AWESOME. 🙂

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